I know the city has been buzzing about me. I figured it was time to tell my side of the story.
Yesterday, the Mommy dropped down into the Mission section of San Francisco.
The Mommy almost completely demolished the entire neighborhood. She wrecked vender carts, causing produce to roll across sidewalks and streets, causing cars to crash and pedestrians to trip. She ripped apart vender displays and smashed art. She bashed into shop front windows.
The minute I knew she was in town I swooped in to take care of business. I’m a superhero. Swooping in is my job.
Unfortunately, my arch-nemesis, Spike Marlowe, was already there. As usual, Spike was ruining everything. She had tied the Mommy up with strings from her guitar that’s part of her completely lame busking act. She’d also called the cops on the cell phone. Because that’s how Spike rolls. Can we say ineffective?
Luckly, for the Mission, I swooped in like a phoenix, threw Spike to the side and unwrapped the Mommy from Spike’s guitar strings. Then I beat the crap out of the Mommy. Then I ran down the street at top speed, broke through the police station’s brick wall, and threw the Mommy onto the police station’s front desk, causing it to crumble to the ground.
Because THAT’S how you turn a criminal in.
Like the police have the time and budget to make superhero house calls.
It’s about time Spike started doing her job, so I don’t have to.